I have been pondering on my existence for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been fascinated by notion of heaven or hell been brought up in a very Christian family. The preacher would describe the fury of God to sinners. My concerns were not whether sin or not but the concept of eternity. I would be glued to his lips on the fascination of what was being said. The one thing I disliked was being part of the choir. Something which was forced on us at lower Kopanong Lower Primary. I get the sense that I would still be a preacher.

Getting back to my fascination. Over the years the fascination wore off as no new material was coming out. The same message was being delivered through Easter and Christmas. I even considered having a chat with the elders around the evolution of the church. As a young boy, I would ask a child question such as “Who is God’s parents” or “Where he stays” or” if Jesus died for our sins and he ascended to the heavens after three days, did he really die for our sins”. At that stage of my life I was not discuss matter of religion with the elders of the church.

This is what ultimately pushed me to the fascination of Science. The idea of new information coming thru was too fascinating to quell my incurable interest in the existence of man. Now in my 40’s I am asking the same questions again. My quest for knowledge is in turbo mode. The challenge is how we relate to our world given all this new information. The world and universe is forever puzzling.

But, I hold a view that this life is pointless. There is not purpose or grand vision. I am at the point where I believe that my existence is self-fulfilling. I believe that each of us needs to define the space which we want live in.

As for life, in the end it leads to nothingness. A state of no consciousness.I am struggling to define my existence amongst the cosmos. How does a modern define himself and what is his purpose.

A man finds himself, to his great astonishment, suddenly existing, after thousands and thousands of years of non-existence: he lives for a little while; and then, again, comes an equally long period when he must exist no more. The heart rebels against this, and feels that it cannot be true.

On the Vanity of Existence

by Arthur Schopenhauer,